Dating Decalogue

Dating Decalogue

We create healthy boundaries by, naming our limits


You shall have no other gods.

God is jealous or passionate for us.  We are created in that passionate image.  It’s important be clear and honest about our boundaries.  What do we like? What drives us mad? God is up front with us in the decalogue.  Therefore we ought to be upfront with others especially when it comes to dating this is how we glorify God on the dating scene.



You shall not take God’s name in vain.

When we call on the name of God we ought to expect that God will show up.  The porn stars comes to mind for me here, “O G*d, O my *ing Gd”. It’s appropriate that we call God into the date.  Ideally we hope to see God more clearly in the person with whom we date. And they should see God in us.


Honor the Sabbath and Keep it holy.  

Sabbath is about setting aside time to enjoy the rest or fullness or God.  It involves full disclosure on our parts we ought to hold nothing back from God on the sabbath.  What would it be like to take this sabbath approach to dating? It’s a real blessing to devote your full attention to someone, so put the phone away.  


Honor your parents

One of the firsts romantic relationships that we encounter is the one between our parents, for better or for worse.  It’s worth examining that relationship. We can honor it by bringing the best parts of that romance to our date. We also honor that relationship by holding the worst parts of our parents relationship at a healthy distance from the date.  


Don’t kill

Okay, don’t murder your date seems like a good safety tip. But there are ways that we kill a person without committing homicide.  We ought to feel more alive following a date that when we started. What are things that are life giving to you? What things crush the life from you?  These questions are very worth exploring with the person you would like to date.


Don’t commit adultery

Adultery is having sex with someone who is married to someone else.  Whew, that’s good news since under 10% of us waited until we were married to have sex.  It’s part of Christian tradition to teach that sex is for marriage. That’s true sex is for marriage in that its an important dimension of the kind of intimacy that builds a holy relationship that God intended for creation.  In this way sex is pro-creative. I believe that when we use sex without intimacy we commit a kind of adultery. Thoughts?


Don’t steal

Since I broached the sex topic let’s stick with that for a bit.  The thing about sex is that it’s always expensive and not in a sex worker kind of way.  Sex costs us emotionally, physically, and spiritually (just to name a few of the currencies).  What if engaging in sex without being ready for that investment is stealing from your date, from yourself, from God?


Don’t bear false witness

Try to be yourself.  Help your date be themselves.  Be truthful, and kind. Build each other up.  In this way you will glorify God.


Don’t covet your neighbor’s partner

Help build relationships around your rather than sabotage them out of jealousy.

Moreover, If you can’t be with the one you love honey, love the one you’re with.  Beware of your fantasies, it’s good to admire the relationships that your neighbors enjoy. But it’s unhealthy to project your fantasy on your date without inviting them into the reality of that aspirational goal.  It took a good bit of work in the relationship that your neighbors have. Coveting is wanting something without being willing to put in the work.


Don’t covet your neighbor’s house(hold)

Coveting is also about wanting what other people have.  On the dating front it’s also about letting other people’s expectations overwhelms yours. It’s distracting inviting a third person on a date (other than God).  When you date bear in mind what you want and what your date wants. Not how finally going on that date will look to your peer group or to your mother.